She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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