I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can Purell be used as lube?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
