i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
