I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
