Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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