Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
