Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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