I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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