in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Barsexuality is the new black.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
