Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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