it was like having sex with a tree stump
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
