Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
