I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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