I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
