i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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