I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
