So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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