I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
