So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize