i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
