I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she told me i tasted like america
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
