I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
