dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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