It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
