All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
