Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
