Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
