5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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