It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
