Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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