he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
