As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
