Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
