I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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