I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
