do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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