Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
