i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
