I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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