My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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