Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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