I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
