I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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