Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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