Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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