so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
