she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
