Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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