Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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