Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
