I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
