Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
