i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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