You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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