my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
