The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
