i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And then he peed in my hair
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