when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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