I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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