Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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