so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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