If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
