A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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