Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
