woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
