You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
