when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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