I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
