You're completely useless in the revolution.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
