does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
