nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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