I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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