So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.