ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.