Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?