turn off your phone and go to bed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.