they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
