JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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