she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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