You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
